The Awakening

I stare looking at the homepage of my college's website. I can't possibly think of what to do with myself. I finished my first year of college and it's time to reapply, I've failed math for the second time. I can't go back there and see that professor again. I tried my hardest, I really did, it just didn't work. Maybe I'm just no good at math. So I left it, along with my dream of becoming a magazine editor. That had been my dream since I was a teenager.I was probably around 16 when I saw the movie the Devil Wears Prada. I loved the character Meryl Streep played. She was such a powerful, successful woman, I wanted to be just like her.  That's not going to happen, not if I can't do math.

The crazy part about it, is I wasn't heart broken over it. I didn't want to go to school anyway. I never really understood it. Like I get grade school but I don't think you should go to college just for the sake of going. You're planning what you're going to do for a large proportion of your life. Why are you treating it like it's something you have to do and get it over with? Think about the amount of  money you're spending, why spend thousands of dollars and four years (or more) of your life on something you don't even want to do?

So I didn't go back, I started working retail. I decided I wouldn't go back to school until I knew exactly what I wanted to do. The problem was I didn't know what I wanted to do. How would I know what I want to do, or if I wanted to do it for the rest of my life if I never did it?
I decided if I wasn't going to back to school, I had to work. But I wasn't going to get just a job, that's how you get trapped in a job you hate. I did stuff that interested me.  I always wondered what life was as a sales associate(weird I know). I thought it was fun until I got my first retail job at a sunglass store. Training was nice but I didn't do anything, there's not a lot of people buying 200 dollar glasses everyday. While working there I got a second job at a clothing store. That would be fun right? Playing in clothes, picking out clothes, yeah! No, that was the worst job, people just, do the stupidest shit. Like tie up a big knot of tee shirts, leave the fitting room in a blanket of clothes and a girl pooped in a shirt. Like seriously? I only worked there for the summer, so 2 months. Then left. I was at the sunglass place for a year till they fired me. I'm not really sure why, they just stopped putting me on the schedule.

I just went and found another job, this time I work at a make up counter. I was so excited to start. Like every girl, from a young age I loved beauty.I knew how to do makeup kinda, well the basics. I read nothing but make up and hair magazines when I was younger but I always knew makeup won't do anything unless you're skin is in good condition. But when I started working there, I never knew there was so much make up and so many different ways to do it. I sat through about 8 hours of training, it was exhausting but I loved every second. I couldn't get to get out on the floor and play on so many people.

I've now been working there going on two years, now going back to school to get my cosmetology license. I've never fell in love with something to the point where I could do it everyday and not get bored. I have done so many smokey eyes, brows, I've matched people in foundation so many times I can just eyeball it! Its a passion, something I never had for magazine editing. I don't aspire to be a character, I aspire to be myself. That's how it should be. Find what you love, then find a way to make money off of it. It took me dropping out of school and two craptastic jobs to find my passion. You won't find it the first time you look, you have to try a few things to find out where you fit. Don't limit yourself to one path just because you've done it for so long. If it's not working out, there's probably a reason. Get out of your comfort zone live your life and find what you love.

Good luck.